Watching Them Go

This BBC article is so short, I may as well just quote it in its entirety.

Mourners to pay virtual respects
Webcams are being installed at a crematorium in Hull so people who are unable to travel to a funeral can pay their respects online. Mourners will be given an access code so they can watch services at Chanterlands Crematorium in real time from anywhere in the world. Hull City Council said the move was part of a refurbishment of the chapels designed to enhance services. It said it got the idea after seeing people filming funerals on camcorders.

Mike Anderson from the council's bereavement services said: "There will be web-cams installed at each of the chapels and the people who actually want to watch will be issued with a code to access the service, obviously ensuring privacy and security. "In the past we have had people who have used camcorders to record the service for members of the family who've emigrated or are ill. Obviously the beauty of this system will be that it's in real time."

What a great idea - but why stop there? I'd like to see cameras installed in the coffin - how marvellous to be able to follow your loved one into the crematory flames, or, with a small battery-powered light, six feet underground, and during the period of mourning, able to peek in on the process of decay.

Once scientists have accepted and understood the mechanisms of after-life travel, we'll be able to watch post-funereal events in UNREAL TIME, engaging with beloved, departed souls - "that's funky harp playing!" "don't those pitchforks hurt?" or, "you mean to say, this is all just one single layer of experience, the soul is actually immortal, and the physical death of the body is only the beginning of the next phase of existance?"

My own plans are in place already. When I die, I will be buried in a biodegradable Argos coffin, in a pleasant and green spot somewhere in England. A tombstone will be placed at the head of this simple grave, upon which will be carved these words:

Here Lies Deek Deekster, 1962 - 2062
"Blessed be the Funky.
And the less Funky,
They shall also be Blessed.
Just less Funky"

Please Call 0800 262 6262 For More Details

When you call the number, you will hear my voice:

"Hi, this is Deek, I'm sorry but I am unavailable right now, but you can leave a message after the tone, or press 1 for more options..."

Pressing 1 takes you to:

If you want to record a tribute, please press 1.
If you want to listen to tributes, please press 2.
If you want to insult my memory, please press 3.
If you owe me money and want to make a donation to the Deekster Foundation for Slags, Poofs and Nutters, please press 4.
If I owe you money, please press 5,1,7,9,2,7,34,7,28,9,1,00,3,5,7,8,23,9,4,86,1, followed by the hash key.
If you want to subscribe to the Deek Deekster Post-Mortem Podcast, please press 6.
If you want to self-realise and live the rest of your life in ineffable peace and spiritual harmony, please press 7.
If you want to experience your own life passing you by, please hold..."

Originally posted Blog of Funk © Deek Deekster 2006 My Eclectic Final Five Minutes Productions